It’s no secret that divorce and custody disputes may become contentious and bring out intense emotions from the parties involved. 

When faced with the possibility of losing precious time with a child, some parents may resort to harmful tactics, such as parental alienation, in an effort to gain back some level of control over their relationship with their child. However, these parents may not realize that intentionally keeping a child away from the other parent can backfire and lead to harmful consequences for you, your child and the other parent. 

In this article, we discuss how parental alienation can backfire. After an overview of alienation, we explain its potential consequences and the detrimental effects it may have on child custody arrangements, the parent-child relationship and the child. 

Key takeaways

Can you withhold a child from another parent?

Withholding a child from their other parent without having a valid legal reason to do so usually isn’t advisable and may have serious consequences. 

Generally speaking, unless a court determines otherwise, both parents have legal rights to see, communicate with and spend time with their child. If a parent withholds their child from the other parent in violation of any existing custody order, this may be considered parental alienation. This may lead to losing custody, being found in contempt or facing criminal charges.

What is parental alienation?

Parental alienation refers to the behaviors exhibited by one parent whose intent is to undermine or damage their child’s relationship with the other parent. 

Signs of parental alienation

Parental alienation may take various forms. Below are some common examples of parental alienation tactics: 

How keeping a child away from the other parent can backfire

The short-term gratification of keeping a child away from their other parent may seem attractive. However, parental alienation may have significant and lasting negative impacts on both you and your child in the long run.

Potential legal consequences for the alienating parent

Courts throughout the United States recognize parental alienation as harmful behavior. Although there are no federal laws specifically defining alienation, state courts consistently apply the best interests of the child standard when evaluating custody.

Judges generally view alienation as contrary to a child’s well-being. If the court determines that alienating behavior is occurring, it may take corrective action, such as:

These measures are designed to stop harmful behavior and protect the child's best interests moving forward.

Impact on the parent’s relationship with their child

Parental alienation often damages the bond between the alienating parent and the child. Children may begin to distrust or resent the parent engaging in the behavior. Over time, this can lead to long-term emotional distance, feelings of betrayal, and difficulty forming stable relationships.

Negative effects on the child

When one parent engages in the harmful behavior of keeping a child away from their other parent, this may negatively impact the child’s well-being and development. For example, this may lead to: 

Even where a child experiences parental alienation during their youth, the effects may last into adulthood. 

How to respond if accused of parental alienation

If you are accused of parental alienation, it is important to stay calm and respond thoughtfully rather than defensively. Start by carefully reviewing the allegations and any existing court orders so you understand what the other parent is claiming and what the court expects from you. 

Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent in front of your child, and do not retaliate by limiting parenting time or communication.

Document your interactions with your child and the other parent, including missed visits, messages, and efforts you make to support the child’s relationship with both parents. It can be helpful to work with a therapist or counselor who can support you and, when appropriate, help your child process the conflict in a healthy way.

How a lawyer may help

Parental alienation allegations can have serious consequences in a custody case. Whether you believe the other parent is engaging in alienating behavior or you have been accused of it, speaking with a family law attorney can be helpful.

An experienced custody lawyer can:

A lawyer can also help you understand what the court expects from both parents and how to protect your rights while keeping your child’s well-being at the center of the case.

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